Lindsay Ann

Over the last 10 years I've been on a journey of discovery. Sex Clubs, Swingers Parties, BDSM, Only Fans, Porn Film sets, Open relationships plus more. Any opportunity that came my way to safely learn about these things and discover my thoughts and feelings towards each of them I grabbed the opportunity with both hands. 

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I have been on such a journey that I can now talk about Sex like people casually talk about their day. I'm not easily offended, and I don't shy away from awkward conversations. In fact, they are the kind of conversations that get me excited. As a result of this I find people often open up to me about stuff they feel reluctant to share with others. People love how open minded I am. Whilst everything out there isn't my cup of tea, they KNOW they can talk to me about stuff free from judgement and consequence.

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But I haven't always been like this, in fact 10 years ago, some might say I was almost a completely different person.

You see, before I was ready to take my journey of discovery. I had to spend 25 years healing first.

 

People who know me personally or through my work always compliment me on my independence, my inner strength, my determination, my creativity, being open so open minded and my passion for helping others. But very few people witnessed the healing I had to go through to get where I am now and how I didn't really have much choice in the matter. As a young child, I was victim to sexual abuse. Something, that sadly way too many other people out there have also been victim of. I suffered physically, emotionally and psychologically. As a child, I was a mere shadow of myself. I held my breath and flinched when men came anywhere near me, even family. As with most predators, I wasn't his only victim. Then the day finally came when a previous victim spoke up and the truth came to light. The damage had been done but I was finally free from my trauma......or so I thought.

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Living the experience the first time around was hard enough but then the reality of a court case darkened my days. A time where not only did I have to relive my experience repeatedly with strangers but then having to stand there at the young age of 10 and be called a liar by his barrister repeatedly in attempts to break me more than I already was. An experience I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.

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Then my teenage years kicked in and I went from being a mere shadow of myself to being a teen with a chip on my shoulder. Despite lots of counselling with the NSPCC I was angry, I didn't trust anyone and over my dead body was I ever going to let someone get close enough to hurt me again.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to learn that I had trouble building connections with people. Friends, family and even romantic relationships. In my early 20's I knew I still had some healing to do. I didn't want to be angry anymore or let it affect my future, especially because against all odds I became a mum and wanted more than anything to be a good mum. So, I went for more counselling. Life did get better after my second lot of counselling; I felt able to let more people in.

 

At this point some of you are probably wondering what my sex life was like? Or how I felt about sex. At the time I would have described my sex life as 'normal' in most people's opinions. It happened, orgasms were few and far between, but if I'm being totally honest it wasn't anything to get excited over. But it wasn't something I feared or dreaded either. My counsellor like many family members queried whether I should try being physically intimate with women. It was suggested being with a women might be more enjoyable for me because of my previous experience with men. So, intrigued to find out myself I decided to try it. Regardless of my childhood experience, I was able to determine that being with women was not for me, but at least that question was now answered. Despite my 'normal' sex life, I felt less and less like I was living in the past and was getting on with my life. 

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Then the day came when I got the call. The Bastard was dead! He couldn't hurt anyone again. At first, I had no idea how I felt. I started out feeling numb. Then, I was overcome with several emotions. We spoke about attending the funeral and dancing on his grave, celebrating his departure. But for fear of resurfacing old wounds, we decided to stay away. Eventually I felt a sense of relief, like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders. So much so that it got me looking within myself again and analysing where I was with my life. I was a single parent with lots to be grateful for, but I didn't feel like I was living, more existing. Selfishly, I was done with just existing. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted more out of life. I no longer wanted to be a victim. I wanted to thrive. I didn't know what that looked like or how I was going to achieve it, but I knew that's what I wanted. So, the next step of my journey began!

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I heard about an outreach programme that offered a different kind healing course coming to my area. The cost of a 1-2-1 programme was just not affordable at the time, so if I wanted to enter the programme, I had to go in one of the group programmes. This was the first time I'd ever done any group work and if I'm honest the thought of it at the time caused severe anxiety but I was determined not to let that stop me Not only did I muster up the strength to complete the course, but it turned out to be the best thing I did as part of my healing journey. This programme made me have the most honest conversation with myself I could ever have. A conversation so raw, so deep, and it helped me identify suppressed issues that I didn't even realise I was suppressing and had been too scared to say out loud. Exposing myself and letting strangers see that vulnerable side of me.... WOW. It was here that I understood and experienced what group empowerment felt like.

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It was this group empowerment that later inspired me to open Burlesque & Dance in January 2019. A company that empowers others to reconnect with themselves and promotes boosting body confidence through Dance and personal development.

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Having completed my healing journey I was now ready to start my exploration journey and answer a few questions that had come up during my healing process. Questions like what turned me on? How important was sex to me in relationships? What kind of sex did I enjoy? My kinks, my fantasies, my boundaries. What things didn't I like and why? Things that I had never really had a chance to ask myself before. I wanted to learn about myself. So, I did. I surrounded myself with open minded people who helped me safely explore, learn answer the questions I had, completely transforming my sex life. I now look at life so differently and I'm grateful to all the people who were part of my healing journey and exploration process. ​

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One thing this journey has shown me is that as a society, we feel torn between doing something or making decisions that feels right for us and doing what 'society' thinks we should do. We get so worried about the repercussions and what people will say / think that deprive ourselves and suppress our feelings and what we might really want. Or that we do what we do but in secret and feel the need to hide it.

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That's where my talk show Empowered & Unleashed comes in. My goal is to use this show to bring all the work we do at Burlesque & Dance into another forum and take things to the next level. To take all the healing and learning I've experienced to help empower others and to create a safe space for people to explore, ask questions, be heard, be educated, be inspired BUT with the option to remain anonymous. Be warned one of the down / upsides to stepping into the person you were truly meant to be is.....you become less tolerant of bullshit.

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If truth be told at this point, I'm still not 100% sure what prompted me to pick up my pen or why I decided to start writing erotic stories. I've always enjoyed reading. Stories allow us the opportunity to escape the real world and get lost in another. Growing up I was always looking for ways to escape the real world. They are safe, they don't judge, and they allow us a chance to expand our minds. But if there's one thing this journey so far has taught me, it's that sometimes we must trust our gut instincts and go with the flow. Even if we don't know where it's going to take us. But I'm excited to find out. I'm excited for all the people I'll get an opportunity to connect with and to see what else collectively we will discover along the way. 

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Regardless of whether you travel this journey with me through just one of my stories or you become an invested member of this brand, whatever reason you have found your way here today. I am grateful to you for being here.​ Always remember that not every person that comes into our lives are meant to stay for the whole story. Some are just meant to be a chapter, and that's ok to.